Happy New Year 2.0.!.!

This post was long due!
As the title of the post suggests, it was actually due since 1st Jan 2011, but i had thought lets post it at some good news. 


Came Feb, went March,
wounded April, strangled May,
and June 2011 delivered the final blow.


From mid-2010 started the difficult period.
A perfectly merry time before mid year (2010). Lots of reasons to be happy, work going great, challenges coming along the way, great group of buddies at work, working hard and partying harder!
Then came time to take the next step. And i did! This was the time i developed a fancy of sorts with fire - bright yellow and later, blue, defying gravity and purifying into ether.

In these past 4 months, i have been denied 9 times!
I carefully use the word 'denied' rather than 'rejected', because i now know the painful difference!
Ironically, i caught this word in one of them mails themselves! lolzz...


To be denied one after the other in a row,  feels like someone grabbed you by your neck sheared you against a wall, all the while zipping ahead and grinning cruelly!


All i could content myself with, God has its own ways!


Not all was bad though!
When i look back at the past decade, it has given me a lot of things!
Taught me so much, gave me so much, took away so much, stood tall and dictated me so much...


2000 was the year of my academic and intellectual awakening - the year i stepped into class 9th. Science exhilarated me so much back then!
2010 culminated the decade by rewarding me several national level accolades at CSC.


Clearing IIT-JEE 2004 was arguably the bigges event for me. 
But what was even bigger a life-changer, was its preparation. The two years i devoted and sacrificed to it were one of the most memorable ones i ever had! Such determination, such hard-work, such focus, such difficulties, such challenges, such people, such friends, and last but the most important of all, such teachers!
I will never forget! 


As it turned out, it was the only victory this decade was to award me. That too, half heartedly!


Sigh... i take a deep breath...


This decade also brought me the love of my life - computers.
When it began, i had no idea of what a computer is all about, just an eagerness to sit in front of it and type away. 

And look at me now! 
I have a lavishly self-assembled Windows XP desktop at home , a luxurious Vaio Laptop in possession (with windows 7 and Ubuntu) and a macbook (MacOS X Snow Leopard) from office!
Seriously! One would think what more could one want!


Then there were other loves that it gave me!
One in the beginning, and one at the end! 
8 years apart! 


I was such a case back then!
I am such a case, even now!


I started off empty handed,
now i have a lot of things on my name and then there are some...


I entered this decade on a bicycle, pedaling my way through to tuitions and school, graduated to motorcycle in college, and the decade gifts me my own car while parting ways!

Another memory of sorts was a mole on my left hand!

I remember that just before entering 9th, probably somewhere in the middle of 8th class, I bought a metal strap watch. With it eventually appeared a mole on my left wrist.

The mole grew noticeable and gradually became a part of me!

I tried a few times to get it removed though, but all in vain.

Came 2010 and finally after a week long ordeal, i was free of it!

I still have a mark on the wrist - makes me remember a few things at times.

I started off listening to radio on my sony walkman,

i now have an ipod touch!

I started off watching K serials on star plus,

i now have an enviable collection of movies and music!

I started off as a science student,
now i see Science taking me towards its extremity - Art!

As i step into the next decade,
and as half the year is already gone, disappointing and crass,
I can only go higher from here.


The next decade is going to be even more significant than the past one.
While this decade made me learn through my defeats,
i feel the weariness to win in the next.


It is going to bring more responsibilities, more possibilities,
more people, more friends,
more events, more experiences,
more challenges, more fears, more opportunities...
  
Additions in family,  and may be a painful goodbye towards the end,
i have to be ready for it all!


I will keep trying... i have to...
...everyone has to...



“All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope”
                                                                    - Alexandre Dumas Père

Pyaar ka 'Dhishoom'nama

Man... this movie is THE ground reality!
and its been quite a while since someone took to the cause of us poor boys! ;)

So lets begin... a true movie about boys and girls - 
their fallacies in relationships,
their expectations and 
their foolishness! 


The Leads! :

Liquid: Typical frustrated padhakoo types. Padhai toh kar li, naukri bhi lag gayi, par kuch kami hai... haan - ladki kabhi nahin mili. aur na milne ka nateeja... choona toh bahut duur... kabhi baat karna bhi naseeb nahi hua! And oh yeah,  he is not gay, otherwise he would have been happier. PS: (Obvious from the above!) Never was in a relationship before.


Rajat: The good(-ie) guy - honest in the relationship, committed and sincere, romantic at heart, lovey-dovey right from the outset  - the most eligible (or, to pacify, read vulnerable) to become the proverbial  'kutta', and yes, he does become one! 


Choudhary: The cool dude, the guru the other two consult. The guy who knows the cool and casual ways. Interestingly, he is the only one having success reading girls! he can see before it happens! but again - he himself is strangled in a dilemma - her girl is not free from her ex! What to do now!? previous relationship status - not known, but going from his ways in the movie, he has an experienced head on his shoulders!


Now... moving on to the ('mis' (lol!!! 'miss') )leading Ladies...


Rajat's girlfriend: committed to her, very girly, but overtly controlling, demanding and arguably, the most beautiful of the three! (doesn't matter though). In short and crisp words, she is the most feared and dreaded type of them all - one u cant live with, one u cant live without, something i personally believe to be one of the reasons for the 7-year itch! 


Liquid's girlfriend: is technically wrong verbiage! She isn't even her girlfriend, she is just taking her for a ride! BIG TIME! is openly saying that she is not in love with him, but is then literally playing the 'more than a friend game' with him.


Choudhary's interest is grossly undermining the meaning of the word 'commitment'. She wants to leave her ex, but actually can't! why - she thinks she has things under control, when they actually aren't, but refuses to understand and follow choudhary's advice on the matter. reason that she gives is the o' so classical - its-her-personal-matter. Somebody go and tell her, of course it is your personal matter, very personal indeed... but that is the REASON why he is trying to help you... why else would someone take the pains to sort out someone else's mess! There are enough 'personal' headache's in one's own life! Choudhary being a guy himself knows how guys think, and thats why listening to him is probably a better choice! 


But all the three guys suffer from the same thing - they willingly allow themselves to be manipulated and do not express themselves when they need too.
Upto an extent, its needed to get into a rapport with the girl, to start a relationship,
but one should be careful to not let the other press the demolition button any time they want to!!!


The 3 also represent how guys ultimately respond to these situations :-

1. Rajat: goes quite, silently accepts his slow death in the hands of the one he loves! (he still loves her, no doubt, coz of this only, he cant tell her to stop, but somehow wants things to go back to being rosy again)
   
2. Liquid: confused as to cut off his contact with her completely. But he can't, because then he would loose the only girl he has talked to, the one whom he still talks to! As a result, feels stuck and betrayed, goes into depression, tries to assert himself by going to the  prostitutes! Ends up loosing more self esteem! Bad condition!
   
3. Choudhary: Hoping against hopes, that his girl gives up her ex when he knows that its not the case. Time and again, he can see the evidence of wrongs in the girl, but he is stopped from breaking off, still hopeful that he can make it work, patiently waiting for her girl to decide. But he knows deep down that she is not free of him, and that he is unable to accept this form of commitment, if it at all is a commitment! Result - he has to break it off! himself! painful....

Among the several notable things, these things also stand out:-


The fact that they aren't just fooling with their partners, be it the male characters in the movie or females, but are also fooling themselves into believing that it could work out - by springing false truths, false yes' and false answers. You cannot start a relationship on lies and expect it to be full of truth and transparency later!


Liquid proposes a great idea! - An All Men's Union :D
Need i say more??? =D
He is right in saying that the girl ditching a boy should not be allowed by any other man to date with them - result is more careful and meticulous decisions rather than a sway of the moment! 


The movie briefly touches upon long distance relationships - one needs to practice austerity (quite literally) when in a long distance relationship. As a character in the movie said, "bf duur, toh support toh sabko chahiye..." true, but lets take that support minus the flirtation , shall we!


The movie also left a few questions in my mind,
What happens to the girls in the end?
well this is shown in the movie, rajo's girl finds a new 'kutta',
Liquid's girl keeps on fooling around with ppl to use them,
ditto for choudhary's interest, she is still confused.


What happens to these boys?
Will boys be boys?.... who knows???? ;)


Interestingly, if you think about it, all three were perfect husband material!
Rajat was the romantic boy, committed and sincere, who would keep her girl happy! What else would one want!
Liquid: Educated, well earning and clean background/history! He is the stable man one would want to be with!
Choudhary is the dashing youth, attractive, street smart and above all, not rash but sensible.


Still they are taken for a toss!

"rasm-e-duniya hai toh yehi,
pahunche koi koi..."

In the end, i would only sum up to say that its been a wonderful ride watching this movie.
And there is a lot more to write! But the intensity is such that it overwhelms senses!
If this movie helps even a single person, I would say the movie has served its purpose.
It will be remembered as a cult movie, which dared to show the reality to both sexes!


PS: if you get time, do read THE HINDU's review of the movie! Its nice!

The fire within

Have you ever looked at fire closely?

Seen its flames rise and fall?
Swaying undeterred and unchallenged,
exploding and imploding at the same time!

In the recent times, i have developed a fancy of sorts with fire!

I am fascinated by how it burns through...

Burns through bone and flesh, blood and sweat...

to give way to the eternal ether... the purity, the truth within.

It is the ultimate test,

of visceral human vulnerability subjected to the pinnacles of divinity.

The fear of being burnt and carrying the scar is what scares you.

Look at those flames closely, and you will realize,

there is something else that moves in the same manner when
subjected to the test of truth - one's Vanity.

That those are not flames of fire that move,
it is one's vanity which struggles to escape,
burning, twisting, shape-shifting...
.

the silence of the night

After more than a year, i was again, out in the open, with the silence of the night. But this time, it was different. the silence hit me with a realization.


It inspired me to think, go into the disconnect, and search for an answer, answer to a question that the silence has confronted me again with. What next?


This time i figured out that the silence is not just posing a question, it scares you into the consequence of settling into the complacency. The result of unanswered restlessness gradually giving way to a morose surrender, a silenced discomfort of a speechless agreement between the unspoken words.


The blinking parking car lights,  the distant humming of transformers, the tall standing solitary lamp posts, and the fog laden ways - all part of the ethereal silence, screeching to tell their story, but no one to listen. The hazy lights of glowing windows in the fog mesmerize me into believing that they somehow hold an answer. A light at the end of the tunnel, hypnotizing, with reality teasing me to decipher what it holds, portals to answers, standing in the not so distant future.


The distances that have to be covered, the choices one has to exercise, the sacrifices that have to be made.


There is something about the silence of the night.....

the social network

I had sat down to write about the past year... ended up watching the social network and here i am... writing a post about it.

Let me tell u upfront, the movie is amazingly refreshing, first up because it is fast! From the very first scene. And the second reason - its shot in the interestingly 'Christopher Nolan' way with the past and the present being intricately woven together in a linear screenplay, only to reveal their separation gradually.

The second most striking thing about the movie is the display of personality and behavior. Starting with Mark (Zuckerberg) not valuing what he has (Erica) until she's gone and later, the urge, the stubbornness to 'expand', trying very hard to be an 'asshole' that he isn't, the naive excitement of Eduardo on being the CFO, with all the people starting to take notice of him. How Mark gets impressed with Sean Parker (of Napster fame) and his adept ways of affecting people, especially the young! How the suspicion of Eduardo's girlfriend grows under the aegis of her increasing insecurity. And talking about insecurities, Eduardo's insecurity due to his decreasing hold on Mark with the entry of Sean.

Its strange what and how a thing affects a man's psyche! I have often thought to myself... people say that understanding a woman is difficult, i for one, while not contradicting, believe that being a man is not easy either! To be in possession of something as simple and yet as perplex in manifestation as a male ego, is not a child's play by any means! The ways in which it can manipulate one's behaviors has far reaching consequences... so much so that you can become the youngest Billionaire :)

I always thought everytime i saw Mark's snaps from press conferences released in the newspaper that he appears quiet, sort of disconnected from the world. That small, forcefully lightened smile; and the weight of a gaze waiting for something or someone, hidden away behind those big round eyes. From personal experience, let me tell you that i can completely empathize with him and know the kind of disconnect one can be pushed into!

well... i can go on and on on the topic, but i seriously feel, that you should watch the movie for the real feel of it and understand, that the movie was a hit not because it was about facebook, but because it is the story of a boy, a seemingly normal one, (the underdog),  with perfect SAT scores, who lost his love, and became an 'asshole'!

PS: If you can decipher how the word 'asshole' has been used in the movie - you have got it!