चलता जा...

वो बारिश ही क्या, जो भिगोये ना,
वो धूप ही क्या, जो झुलसाए ना ।

वो रास्ता ही क्या, जो भटकाए ना,
वो मंज़िल ही क्या, बेसब्र जो बनाये ना।

वो सागर ही क्या, गोते जो खाये ना,
वो कश्ती ही क्या, जो डगमगाए ना ।

वो दिल ही क्या, जो बहकाये ना,
वो दिमाग ही क्या, जो भरमाये ना ।

तो पथिक, चलता जा...,
वो ज़िन्दगी ही क्या, जो थकाये ना ?

- भुवनेश अग्रवाल
(20140613, 10:43 AM)

Directionless

So how does being directionless feels?
It's as if you are standing in the middle of nowhere and winds from all sides come
Brazing u! spinning round and round so that any direction u seem to grasp, if at all, is taken away.

Sitting here, I feel like familiar to all this. Lovers holding hands, friends pulling each other's leg, families strolling around - it all feels so familiar to the downtown. Is it the sights. Or is it the sounds in the air. 
I see happy faces, pretty faces, careless faces, decked up faces, lost faces…
To sit in silence while everyone else around you bustles is like singing a song to oneself. Free the lyrics, free the rhythm, delirious the singer, amusing the tone.

Sitting amidst the lush grey concrete jungle, is this place, where people loosen up just a little of their suited ties. Where people remember and yet forget.
I see wait-ers, I see loners, I see likers and may be some haters, basically just onlookers.
I see various people - each with their own uniqueness, each with their own story, each on their own - to take on there world, or be with it!

What does it feel to be directionless?
Is it to look outside and find urself or is it not to find, but search for oneself in the innumerable places u have been, the thousands u have seen, the hundreds with whom your eyes meet, the tens with whom u talk, and the one u touch!

How does one know when he is directionless ?
Is it to loose your sense of direction, or is it to loose your will to find one.

I guess it is to not know what u r doing and still having to move forward.

I think it is the urge to find oneself that has the most intense of directionless-ness.

Whenever u r transforming, u sense this utter loss of direction, the loss of control and the uncertainty and anxiety of what it's gonna become.

all that heart wants

The heart doesn't want lavish things,
it only needs little things to be happy.

A glance of the eye,
A smile of the face,
A voice calling out the name
A touch of hesitation...

Quintessential by its appearance,
delusional by its very nature...
- Hope.

All it needs is an assurance of knowing,
A gesture of unease,
A hint of acknowledgement,
and a display of zeal.

All it needs is an unexpected wait,
And an insatiable 'bye...'

.

Something Something... Whatever...

At times, there is this inexplicable feeling that you have to do something

the unrest, the drive that you need to do something, anything!

Is the unrest because you want to preoccupy your mind in something that you wanna do something or is it the other way round, that your mind is preoccupied with the thought of doing something.

You want to do something, to feel something and hence, want to do something towards that direction.

I am suffering  from precisely this very 'something' right now.

Though this is the Diwali season, i am not feeling a wee bit of diwali festivities. I have forgotten even the count of years when i last blew crackers; we don't decorate our home much (and I being a boy doesn't help my parents in that either!).

This year, we are also not going anywhere to distribute gifts so its pretty much not the kind of diwali we used to have, and its not like we have lavish ones even when we do... but something is still strange about this time.

There is such a gentle breeze these days, and the sun-kissed hazy mornings. Such a pleasant weather goads me to go out, enjoy the sun, be with friends and friendships.

What these gentle breezes and festivities are doing is that they are providing a conducive environment to take a step back and put on a thinking cap on my knees :D

When you realize that you cant have something, but you need it badly, you start romancing with the idea of not having it and yet having it in order to improvise and tell the mind that you are better off not having it!

It is this romancing that adds a spark!
Romancing with this uncertainty, this pleasure in pain,
this yearning and dislike for the very same thing, is something conflicting in essence, complimenting otherwise and gratifying in the weirdest possible way.

 lets see how long it lasts..
And who knows, i might end up getting it... ;)

Who is Anna Hazare ?

A lot has been said and read about Anna Hazare and i am sure people have dug every little bit of detail about his life.
But in this detail, we tend to miss out on the bigger picture, the higher persepective, the sanctimonious view :-

So who actually is Anna Hazaare ?

Anna is a man unscathed by money
Anna is a man inimitable in honesty and dedication to nation
Anna is a man who has rid himself of the fear to lose anything and everything.

Anna is the embodiment of the fruit of sacrifice
Anna is a life conferred with the power of truth
Anna is a true follower of Gandhi fighting against the monarchy breed-ed by Gandhi's

Anna is the voice of those who can't speak
Anna is the eyes of those who can't see
Anna is the ears of those who cant hear
Anna is the hand of those who cant act

It was only befitting, that the battle went to the 'Ramleela ground' - a sacred stage, a witness for the timeless battle between bare-footed truth against chariot-ed evil.

Anna is the fear of a man unparalleled.
Anna is not a man of flesh anymore...

Anna is ANNA HAZAARE - the Voice, the Movement, the Precipice

.

A Thought

It will be the words of a song that will not be sung,

a poem that will not be written,
a book that will not be opened,

a dream that will not be woken up to,
a nightmare that will not be slept to,

a smile that will not be shared,
a tear that will not be wasted,

a gift that will not be given,
a surprise that will not be expected,

a joy not to be blamed on,
a sorrow not to be awarded from,

a truth not to be lied again,
a lie not to be made true again,

it will be the words of a song.....

.

Happy New Year 2.0.!.!

This post was long due!
As the title of the post suggests, it was actually due since 1st Jan 2011, but i had thought lets post it at some good news. 


Came Feb, went March,
wounded April, strangled May,
and June 2011 delivered the final blow.


From mid-2010 started the difficult period.
A perfectly merry time before mid year (2010). Lots of reasons to be happy, work going great, challenges coming along the way, great group of buddies at work, working hard and partying harder!
Then came time to take the next step. And i did! This was the time i developed a fancy of sorts with fire - bright yellow and later, blue, defying gravity and purifying into ether.

In these past 4 months, i have been denied 9 times!
I carefully use the word 'denied' rather than 'rejected', because i now know the painful difference!
Ironically, i caught this word in one of them mails themselves! lolzz...


To be denied one after the other in a row,  feels like someone grabbed you by your neck sheared you against a wall, all the while zipping ahead and grinning cruelly!


All i could content myself with, God has its own ways!


Not all was bad though!
When i look back at the past decade, it has given me a lot of things!
Taught me so much, gave me so much, took away so much, stood tall and dictated me so much...


2000 was the year of my academic and intellectual awakening - the year i stepped into class 9th. Science exhilarated me so much back then!
2010 culminated the decade by rewarding me several national level accolades at CSC.


Clearing IIT-JEE 2004 was arguably the bigges event for me. 
But what was even bigger a life-changer, was its preparation. The two years i devoted and sacrificed to it were one of the most memorable ones i ever had! Such determination, such hard-work, such focus, such difficulties, such challenges, such people, such friends, and last but the most important of all, such teachers!
I will never forget! 


As it turned out, it was the only victory this decade was to award me. That too, half heartedly!


Sigh... i take a deep breath...


This decade also brought me the love of my life - computers.
When it began, i had no idea of what a computer is all about, just an eagerness to sit in front of it and type away. 

And look at me now! 
I have a lavishly self-assembled Windows XP desktop at home , a luxurious Vaio Laptop in possession (with windows 7 and Ubuntu) and a macbook (MacOS X Snow Leopard) from office!
Seriously! One would think what more could one want!


Then there were other loves that it gave me!
One in the beginning, and one at the end! 
8 years apart! 


I was such a case back then!
I am such a case, even now!


I started off empty handed,
now i have a lot of things on my name and then there are some...


I entered this decade on a bicycle, pedaling my way through to tuitions and school, graduated to motorcycle in college, and the decade gifts me my own car while parting ways!

Another memory of sorts was a mole on my left hand!

I remember that just before entering 9th, probably somewhere in the middle of 8th class, I bought a metal strap watch. With it eventually appeared a mole on my left wrist.

The mole grew noticeable and gradually became a part of me!

I tried a few times to get it removed though, but all in vain.

Came 2010 and finally after a week long ordeal, i was free of it!

I still have a mark on the wrist - makes me remember a few things at times.

I started off listening to radio on my sony walkman,

i now have an ipod touch!

I started off watching K serials on star plus,

i now have an enviable collection of movies and music!

I started off as a science student,
now i see Science taking me towards its extremity - Art!

As i step into the next decade,
and as half the year is already gone, disappointing and crass,
I can only go higher from here.


The next decade is going to be even more significant than the past one.
While this decade made me learn through my defeats,
i feel the weariness to win in the next.


It is going to bring more responsibilities, more possibilities,
more people, more friends,
more events, more experiences,
more challenges, more fears, more opportunities...
  
Additions in family,  and may be a painful goodbye towards the end,
i have to be ready for it all!


I will keep trying... i have to...
...everyone has to...



“All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope”
                                                                    - Alexandre Dumas Père

Pyaar ka 'Dhishoom'nama

Man... this movie is THE ground reality!
and its been quite a while since someone took to the cause of us poor boys! ;)

So lets begin... a true movie about boys and girls - 
their fallacies in relationships,
their expectations and 
their foolishness! 


The Leads! :

Liquid: Typical frustrated padhakoo types. Padhai toh kar li, naukri bhi lag gayi, par kuch kami hai... haan - ladki kabhi nahin mili. aur na milne ka nateeja... choona toh bahut duur... kabhi baat karna bhi naseeb nahi hua! And oh yeah,  he is not gay, otherwise he would have been happier. PS: (Obvious from the above!) Never was in a relationship before.


Rajat: The good(-ie) guy - honest in the relationship, committed and sincere, romantic at heart, lovey-dovey right from the outset  - the most eligible (or, to pacify, read vulnerable) to become the proverbial  'kutta', and yes, he does become one! 


Choudhary: The cool dude, the guru the other two consult. The guy who knows the cool and casual ways. Interestingly, he is the only one having success reading girls! he can see before it happens! but again - he himself is strangled in a dilemma - her girl is not free from her ex! What to do now!? previous relationship status - not known, but going from his ways in the movie, he has an experienced head on his shoulders!


Now... moving on to the ('mis' (lol!!! 'miss') )leading Ladies...


Rajat's girlfriend: committed to her, very girly, but overtly controlling, demanding and arguably, the most beautiful of the three! (doesn't matter though). In short and crisp words, she is the most feared and dreaded type of them all - one u cant live with, one u cant live without, something i personally believe to be one of the reasons for the 7-year itch! 


Liquid's girlfriend: is technically wrong verbiage! She isn't even her girlfriend, she is just taking her for a ride! BIG TIME! is openly saying that she is not in love with him, but is then literally playing the 'more than a friend game' with him.


Choudhary's interest is grossly undermining the meaning of the word 'commitment'. She wants to leave her ex, but actually can't! why - she thinks she has things under control, when they actually aren't, but refuses to understand and follow choudhary's advice on the matter. reason that she gives is the o' so classical - its-her-personal-matter. Somebody go and tell her, of course it is your personal matter, very personal indeed... but that is the REASON why he is trying to help you... why else would someone take the pains to sort out someone else's mess! There are enough 'personal' headache's in one's own life! Choudhary being a guy himself knows how guys think, and thats why listening to him is probably a better choice! 


But all the three guys suffer from the same thing - they willingly allow themselves to be manipulated and do not express themselves when they need too.
Upto an extent, its needed to get into a rapport with the girl, to start a relationship,
but one should be careful to not let the other press the demolition button any time they want to!!!


The 3 also represent how guys ultimately respond to these situations :-

1. Rajat: goes quite, silently accepts his slow death in the hands of the one he loves! (he still loves her, no doubt, coz of this only, he cant tell her to stop, but somehow wants things to go back to being rosy again)
   
2. Liquid: confused as to cut off his contact with her completely. But he can't, because then he would loose the only girl he has talked to, the one whom he still talks to! As a result, feels stuck and betrayed, goes into depression, tries to assert himself by going to the  prostitutes! Ends up loosing more self esteem! Bad condition!
   
3. Choudhary: Hoping against hopes, that his girl gives up her ex when he knows that its not the case. Time and again, he can see the evidence of wrongs in the girl, but he is stopped from breaking off, still hopeful that he can make it work, patiently waiting for her girl to decide. But he knows deep down that she is not free of him, and that he is unable to accept this form of commitment, if it at all is a commitment! Result - he has to break it off! himself! painful....

Among the several notable things, these things also stand out:-


The fact that they aren't just fooling with their partners, be it the male characters in the movie or females, but are also fooling themselves into believing that it could work out - by springing false truths, false yes' and false answers. You cannot start a relationship on lies and expect it to be full of truth and transparency later!


Liquid proposes a great idea! - An All Men's Union :D
Need i say more??? =D
He is right in saying that the girl ditching a boy should not be allowed by any other man to date with them - result is more careful and meticulous decisions rather than a sway of the moment! 


The movie briefly touches upon long distance relationships - one needs to practice austerity (quite literally) when in a long distance relationship. As a character in the movie said, "bf duur, toh support toh sabko chahiye..." true, but lets take that support minus the flirtation , shall we!


The movie also left a few questions in my mind,
What happens to the girls in the end?
well this is shown in the movie, rajo's girl finds a new 'kutta',
Liquid's girl keeps on fooling around with ppl to use them,
ditto for choudhary's interest, she is still confused.


What happens to these boys?
Will boys be boys?.... who knows???? ;)


Interestingly, if you think about it, all three were perfect husband material!
Rajat was the romantic boy, committed and sincere, who would keep her girl happy! What else would one want!
Liquid: Educated, well earning and clean background/history! He is the stable man one would want to be with!
Choudhary is the dashing youth, attractive, street smart and above all, not rash but sensible.


Still they are taken for a toss!

"rasm-e-duniya hai toh yehi,
pahunche koi koi..."

In the end, i would only sum up to say that its been a wonderful ride watching this movie.
And there is a lot more to write! But the intensity is such that it overwhelms senses!
If this movie helps even a single person, I would say the movie has served its purpose.
It will be remembered as a cult movie, which dared to show the reality to both sexes!


PS: if you get time, do read THE HINDU's review of the movie! Its nice!

Falling in Love - Part 1

What is falling in love?

Falling in love is trying to steal a glance of her every now n then.
It is finding excuses to text her, even when in company.
It is to turn around and come back to say bye even after leaving.
It is to sleep to the fear of sleeptalking her name.
It is to day dream of her and keep that smile from blooming.
It is to close the door and dance away to the hidden amorous songs.
It is to stand in front of the mirror and grin from ear to ear.
It is to think of urself growing fat.
It is to spray that extra whiff of deo.
It is to try and keep ur wallet full.
It is to try and talk her out someplace.
It is to think to oneself after a talk, "oh shit, that was a SIGN!!! DUH!!!"


It is to watch her pics on fb again.
It is to go through her profile again and again.
It is to think before commenting on her pic twice, thrice, quatro...
It is to wait for her gtalk-id desperately.
It is to save her pics away in a passworded folder.
It is to want her to upload more of her pics.
It is to conspire against 'others'.
It is to make space for her in ur lazily busy weekends


It is to think of ways of writing all this in a hope that she understands m writing for her and yet keep it mystery to others!
It is rising by falling. But there is a reason it's called falling and not rising - for in a free fall, u can't really use the brakes now can u =)

LEARN...

Just when i thot that there was no ending...
there's this little something that was whispered to me

and it seems...

these words come from a distant land...

a place where i once belonged... a place that i believed in...
a place, where i was the whisperer...once... :)

but it all seems too hazy... i dont even remember clearly
whether it was actually me or something inside me....

whatever it was... it certainly isnt there any more...

I did used to like it pretty much...
it was the source of my power... my energy,
my life...

but somewhere down the line... i lost it... i just lost it...

but like the sand in the sea... i lay there on the bottom...still...
when the whisper stirred the waters.... 'wake up' was the call....

"
n dont b so sad...think gona b ohk...all well dat ends well...n if things are not well den dats nevr da end:).
"

an ode to an ol' frnd... cheerful as ever... may she always be like this...

"
things will be fyn...evrytime u hve ups n down...n we learns to smile:)

if not for ourslf den for others....lifebecome worth living

cheerup:)

"

yes... i need to learn....

learn to smile,

learn to smile for others,

if not me... :)

RUN AWAY...

  
  What if... one fine day, you wake up to find that somethings' wrong !
What if... you realize u have been down this lane before...
and that the last time, it wasn't pretty... it wasn't pretty at all !!!!
In fact it gets messy everytime u have been there...

And what if... you know there's no turning back...

u have to go through this all over again,
u have to go through this... all alone...

that u cannot alleviate the pain in any way...

that u will be tormented... yet again...
that u will be crying your heart out... yet again...
that u will be left for the dead... yet again...

that u cannot hide,
that u cannot escape,

that u have to endure it... once again,
and that u have to live through it... once again...

that u cannot tell anyone... not again...
that no one will understand... not again...
that u will understand... not again...


What if...

u realize....

that u cannot run...

u cannot RUN AWAY...

not again... not again...

I Thought women were from Venus....ONLY !!!

After reading today's newspaper... there was this inevitable eenkling in me.. i HAD to write this.

We are always 'hypnotized' to believe "Men are from Mars and Women from Venus" but wait a minute... whats this ? a picture from NASA shows a supposedly 'naked' women outstretching her arm on Mars !!! Obviously the BIG question of the day is Is there life on the barren lands of Mars ???

Well the hype is natural for the media. but there are a few questions that come to my mind !!!

how do they (the scientists, media and whatever...) know that 'it' is naked ?
and it is a female ???
or they just went on like

" ohk it appears to be naked.... might as well make it a female... who likes to see nude males anyhow... "

well one things for sure... if any of the hindi news channels, barring only a few, get the chance of interviewing this lone lady, they would go like "hows the night life there ?" or "are there men also ?" and then "how many boyfriends have u had ?" "kisi ke saath aapka nainmatakka bhi hua tha ?... kya aapke pas video hai ?" and all the shit ...

Nevertheless, lets not get distracted from the topic... :P

Now, the very sound of women being on mars brings some interesting thoughts.

is this like Women Empowerment or something !?!?!? After battling it out successfully here on earth.... they have stepped on men's shoulders (i urge u to visualize this...its a lot meaningful that way...try it) they have started the conquest for mars !!!

i mean the only private place left for the battered male is under attack !!!! this is serious shit man !!!

What.... u dont agree with me... then look around. First place would be the IDIOT BOX. Do u see a single ad of a male consumer item WITHOUT a female in it ??? i mean talk about electronic items, cars, bikes, clothes, accessories, and even the male inner wear ads are full of female models !!!!!!!! i mean this is the heights.... this is literally going to the dogs... do u ever see a MAN in ads that are targeted for women consumers. do u see a man in a perfume add or a soap add or a saree ad (i know it seems illogical but just compare it with ads of male clothes !) or u might see me as an extremist when i say that there is no male in a womens inners ads !!! (mind u - m not complaining on this one - this is the way it shud be !) but just look at the disparity man...

is there any place or any thing that belongs solely in the domain of males ???? everything has been overpowered by the farer sex. (again - the self proclaimed 'farer' see what i mean !!! )

on the other hand is this also one of the many male fantasies or more appropriately the caveman's innate Tribal Instincts that are at work when he sees that organism on Mars as a lady bird !!!!!!

( @female readers : Looks like we have a La Fight at hand...aye )

Truth be told...even science says that men will be an extinct species in the near future. ( @ for all u nocturnal birds out there) Even procreation will be in control of your femme fatale !!! Seems more like recreation will be the only thing expected of us.

Well then....guess it IS really time for us to retreat.
might as well make the most of it njoyable....

Bon soir.... :)

2007..... - > 0010 1000

There are only 10 kind of people in this world...
those who understand binary, and those who don't :)

Finally, the year 2007 is about to get over,
at this very point in time. a year ago we were all waiting
for 2007, and now, how we abandon it,
to make room for the new one !

Everyone greets the new year in his or her own way.
some spend it partying...'DJing' around the city
some cook lavish dinners,
some like to pamper, go shopping,
while the lazy ones just hang around n 'cozy' up
to the idiot box.

while amongst this all, when one doesn't celebrate,
when one feels nothing new about it, what shall he do ???
what does he think when he sees everyone around him party ???
on one hand, he perceives it as a waste of time, a frivolous act to fool oneself,
but on the other hand, he craves ....
craves to find that one reason to celebrate,
one that would make him look forward to the new year,
one that would make him spontaneous again,
one that would make him act foolish again,
one that would make jump with joy,
one that would make him free...

one that would end his painful longing...


As for me, lets c how 2008 turns out to be !!!

2007 was all the usual stuff with unusual things... :)

The Bait !!!!

I have been thinking quite a lot about this lately !!!!

when one does not get what one wants, what should one do ???

the obvious answer  is - move on . But easier said than done !

what makes you stay with that thing,
the very thought of having it with you,
owning it keeps lingering in your mind.

No matter how much you try, it persists....
and the more it persists, the more it hurts,
the more it pains, and your longing for it increases day by day,
you crave for it every second !!!

you try to persuade yourself, punish yourself,
hurt yourself, deny yourself...and yet...it haunts you !!!

is it love ? is it obsession ?
is it stupidity ? or is it determination ?
or mere suffering in the hands of the one you love ???
the one thing you like !?!?!?

What is it that makes a man conquer huge armies, overcome storms,
rule the animals, and yet, bow down.

are they emotions, are they realtions
or one's own hidden factions !!!

What is it ???

When u get what u want, but not what you need,
and your longing doesnt end !!!
grows without bounds,
consuming your each and every thought,
feeding on your emotions,
eating you day and night from within !!!

tell me.....what is it ???

tell me..... what should one do ???

PURANI YAADE TAAZA KARO...

Machhali Jal ki Rani hai
Jeewan uska paani hai
hath lagao darr jayegi
bahar nikalo mar jayegi...

Posham pa bhai posham pa
sau(100) rupay ki ghadi churayi
ab to jail mein jana padega
jail ki roti khana padega
jail ka pani peena padega
thayi thuiya thush
madari baba fushhhhhh....

Jhooth bolna paap hai
nadi kinare saanp hai
kali mai aayegi
tumko utha le jayegi...

aaj somvar hai,
chuhe ko bukhar hai
chuha gaya doctor ke pass
doctor ne lagayi sui
chula bola ooooiiiii

aalu-kachalu beta kaha gaye the
bandar ki jhopdi mein so rahe the
bandar ne laat maari ro rahe the
mummy ne paise diye has rahe the

titlee udi,bus mein chadi
seet na mili ,to rone lagi
driver bola aaja mere pass
titlee boli "hat badmash"

chanda mama door ke
puye pakaye bhoor ke
aap khaye thali mein
munne ko de pyali mein

Let Go off the penny dear...

The following is a very meaningful story which is called "Let Go", and written by Dr. Billy Graham.

A little child was playing one day with a very valuable vase. He put his hand into it and could not withdraw it. His father too, tried his best, but all in vain. They were thinking of breaking the vase when the father said, "Now, my son, make one more try. Open your hand and hold your fingers out straight as you see me doing, and then pull."

To their astonishment the little fellow said, "O no, father. I couldn't put my fingers out like that, because if I did I would drop my penny."

Smile, if you will--but thousands of us are like that little boy, so busy holding on to the world's worthless penny that we cannot accept liberation. I beg you to drop the trifle in your heart. Surrender! Let go, and let God have His way in your life.

-: Its called MINDSET :-

As I was passing the elephants, I suddenly stopped,
confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages.

It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from the ropes they were tied to but for some reason, they did not.

I saw a trainer near by and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.

"Well," he said, "when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it's enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free."

I was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn't, they were stuck right where they were.

Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before?

"Man Becomes free the moment he wishes to be"

Games that mind plays

Of late, i have been thinking, quite absurdly !!!
i hv been seeing things a lot.....things no one can, or ought to !!!

Whats happening to me, i think, n keep searching for the answers within !!!
n suddenly i start seeing clues all around me...

i play Prince of Persia - Warrior Within, only to see the technical team of the game comprising mostly of French people ! The protagonist here embarks on a journey to change his fate. He knows his future, that he is going to be killed by the Guardian of Timeline. Everyone tells him, " You cannot change your fate, No man can....", yet he embarks on the journey. Contrary to everyone, after everything he endured, he succeeds to change his fate.

Its painful.....to know that u are going to die, and there's nothing u can do about it !!!
No one in this world can help u, no one can understand the sheer mental agony u go through. You are all alone, alone to suffer till time comes n tears u apart. You think what did u do to deserve this ??? Why it had to be You ???

And why do i mention all this ???

Coz that was just a game, and this is LIFE !!!
its enigmatic, so much more than one can imagine.

Fiction is obliged to stick to imagination,
Reality isn't.
- Mark Twain

There have been several more instances where my mind has been a la Don Quixote.
But whats the use ??? I kept fooling myself by believing all of them, quite like the heroic characters, overcoming their enemies everytime with much more power n wisdom than before, i could see myself powering up to Super Saiyan Stages (DBZ fans wud be familiar with this terminology ) with emotional agony paving way for the next higher stage of energy within, to win over a yet more powerful 'enemy'. And now, i feel shameful, how i have been fooling myself into believing all this, i cant see any reason how i can be all this.
That fire, that madness to take on the world n prove to it, that u r right, its something that i am lacking of late, or shud i say, for quite some time now !!!

'THE' CHALICE has shown me the way !!!

Finally i guess i hv got my answers...
hoping to adhere to them......(to be continued)

Let Go

Original Post Date: 2/14/07, 10:56 PM

Here I am, once again on a yet another valentine's day to play a spoiler for you.
None the less, its my blog, i should do whatever i want to...its my place.
So i just wanted to lighten up some of my 'emotional' baggage...lolz...

Everytime i see someone, there are a lot of things that go through my head, i try to gage that persons personality, try to think what this person is all about, face reading and mind readin...n all that included !!! but this aint all that good u c....i shudnt be doing this....making prejudice about others !!!

But i wasn't this way from the beginning..................( to be continued)

********Contd. on : 10/26/2008, 11:30 PM***************

i dont want to share this thought now...
so this post ends here... Yes, abruptly.... :(