Sunday, November 20, 2011

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Something Something... Whatever...

At times, there is this inexplicable feeling that you have to do something
the unrest, the drive that you need to do something, anything!

Is the unrest because you want to preoccupy your mind in something that you wanna do something or is it the other way round, that your mind is preoccupied with the thought of doing something.

You want to do something, to feel something and hence, want to do something towards that direction.
I am suffering  from precisely this very 'something' right now.

Though this is the Diwali season, i am not feeling a wee bit of diwali festivities. I have forgotten even the count of years when i last blew crackers; we don't decorate our home much (and I being a boy doesn't help my parents in that either!).
This year, we are also not going anywhere to distribute gifts so its pretty much not the kind of diwali we used to have, and its not like we have lavish ones even when we do... but something is still strange about this time.

There is such a gentle breeze these days, and the sun-kissed hazy mornings. Such a pleasant weather goads me to go out, enjoy the sun, be with friends and friendships.

What these gentle breezes and festivities are doing is that they are providing a conducive environment to take a step back and put on a thinking cap on my knees :D

When you realize that you cant have something, but you need it badly, you start romancing with the idea of not having it and yet having it in order to improvise and tell the mind that you are better off not having it!

It is this romancing that adds a spark!
Romancing with this uncertainty, this pleasure in pain,
this yearning and dislike for the very same thing, is something conflicting in essence, complimenting otherwise and gratifying in the weirdest possible way.

 lets see how long it lasts..
And who knows, i might end up getting it... ;)

Sunday, September 25, 2011

End (of) the Occupation - 2011 09 23 CSC

I really dont know what to say. it had been such a wonderful journey, 
and yet the end was so unusual, however, thankfully peaceful.

There were a lot of things i wanted to say,
a lot of things i wanted to do...

"हजारों ख्वाहिशें ऐसी कि हर ख्वाहिश पे दम निकले
बहुत निकले मेरे अरमाँ, लेकिन फिर भी कम निकले..."

This was the first among the several literary pieces that i came across
during my tenure in CSC. And to this date, it remains,
ever so naive, ever so resonating, ever so true.

I always believed, and told Medha, that i had a better time here than college, and Medha was a big reason who made it possible. With her, we used to feel right at home in WikonnecT.

A home away from home...

there was time, when i used to eagerly look up to joining office on Monday.

our friendly night outs,
our movies during day time,  

our lunches,
our dumb charades,
our 'high' teas ,
our HCFs,

our pizza huts,
our straws,
our walks,

our ebony and ivorys'
our "chutki's"

our group chats,
our con calls.

the bike rides,
the car journeys,

the long talks,
the screaming silences,

the winding roads,
the silly traffic,

the stupid thoughts,
the serious talks,

all the mistakes,
all the pardons,

all the forgivers,
all the sinners,

forgiven, yet not forgotten,
forgotten, yet not forgiven,

the good times seem so distant,
a weary eyed memory searching for mirrors,

a lot of things i have said,
a lot of things i can't,

Friends came and friends went,
all that remained are memories...

Its not people who are remembered.
Whats remembered are their actions, 
their words,
their deeds

I thank my friends for understanding me,
at times bearing me,
giving me such a special part in their lives.
I hope I have been able to make a difference for good...

"Pehle phursat thi ab hasratein samaakar  
Ek aaisi uljhan hain meri
Khud chalkar rukta hu jaha jis jagah par
Ek aaisi sarhad hain meri
Kehne se bhi main darta hoon
Apno ki dhun mein rahta hoon 
Kar kya sakta hoon

De sakta hoon main thoda pyar yahan par,
Jitni haiseeyat hai meri.
Reh jaaun sabke dil mein dil ko basakar
Ek aaisi niyat hai meri
Ho jaye to bhi raazi hoon.
Kho jaaun to main baaki hoon.
Yun samajhta hoon.
Mera na koi hai pata iss jagah
Yun to hai mera yeh jahan
Laya kya maine kab mera hai yahan par
Shaayad ho pehle se basta basa sab yahan..."

Sunday, September 04, 2011

That Girl in Yellow Boots

Its a twisted tale of a city's underbelly exposing the rotten and the mundane.
Its a tale of a girl - the kind of things she has to compromise to get what she wants.
Its a mockery on the society, displaying how even the most puerile of tasks corrupts you in the process of fulfilling itself.

Its the story of a girl who risks everything to find answers to a questions nobody seems to be raising.
And the movie is different because she is shown to be hit by reality, rather than a fitting ending.

Its the story of a pair of boots that go all around the place,  to get what they want.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Who is Anna Hazare ?

A lot has been said and read about Anna Hazare and i am sure people have dug every little bit of detail about his life.
But in this detail, we tend to miss out on the bigger picture, the higher persepective, the sanctimonious view :-

So who actually is Anna Hazaare ?

Anna is a man unscathed by money
Anna is a man inimitable in honesty and dedication to nation
Anna is a man who has rid himself of the fear to lose anything and everything.

Anna is the embodiment of the fruit of sacrifice
Anna is a life conferred with the power of truth
Anna is a true follower of Gandhi fighting against the monarchy breed-ed by Gandhi's

Anna is the voice of those who can't speak
Anna is the eyes of those who can't see
Anna is the ears of those who cant hear
Anna is the hand of those who cant act

It was only befitting, that the battle went to the 'Ramleela ground' - a sacred stage, a witness for the timeless battle between bare-footed truth against chariot-ed evil.

Anna is the fear of a man unparalleled.
Anna is not a man of flesh anymore...

Anna is ANNA HAZAARE - the Voice, the Movement, the Precipice


Thursday, August 25, 2011

A Thought

It will be the words of a song that will not be sung,

a poem that will not be written,
a book that will not be opened,

a dream that will not be woken up to,
a nightmare that will not be slept to,

a smile that will not be shared,
a tear that will not be wasted,

a gift that will not be given,
a surprise that will not be expected,

a joy not to be blamed on,
a sorrow not to be awarded from,

a truth not to be lied again,
a lie not to be made true again,

it will be the words of a song.....


Saturday, June 25, 2011

Happy New Year 2.0.!.!

This post was long due!
As the title of the post suggests, it was actually due since 1st Jan 2011, but i had thought 
lets post it at some good news. 

Came Feb, went March,
wounded April, strangled May,
and June 2011 delivered the final blow.

From mid-2010 started the difficult period.
A perfectly merry time before mid year (2010). Lots of reasons to be happy, work going great, challenges coming along the way, great group of buddies at work, working hard and partying harder!
Then came time to take the next step. And i did! This was the time i developed a fancy of sorts with fire - bright yellow and later, blue, defying gravity and purifying into ether.

In these past 4 months, i have been denied 9 times!
I carefully use the word 'denied' rather than 'rejected', because i now know the painful difference!

Ironically, i caught this word in one of them mails themselves! lolzz...

To be denied one after the other in a row,  feels like someone grabbed you by your neck sheared you against a wall, all the while zipping ahead and grinning cruelly!

All i could content myself with, God has its own ways!

Not all was bad though!
When i look back at the past decade, it has given me a lot of things!
Taught me so much, gave me so much, took away so much, stood tall and dictated me so much...

2000 was the year of my academic and intellectual awakening - the year i stepped into class 9th. Science exhilarated me so much back then!
2010 culminated the decade by rewarding me several national level accolades at CSC.

Clearing IIT-JEE 2004 was arguably the bigges event for me. 
But what was even bigger a life-changer, was its preparation. The two years i devoted and sacrificed to it were one of the most memorable ones i ever had! Such determination, such hard-work, such focus, such difficulties, such challenges, such people, such friends, and last but the most important of all, such teachers!
I will never forget! 

As it turned out, it was the only victory this decade was to award me. That too, half heartedly!

Sigh... i take a deep breath...

This decade also brought me the love of my life - computers.
When it began, i had no idea of what a computer is all about, just an eagerness to sit in front of it and type away. 

And look at me now! 

I have a lavishly self-assembled Windows XP desktop at home , a luxurious Vaio Laptop in possession (with windows 7 and Ubuntu) and a macbook (MacOS X Snow Leopard) from office!
Seriously! One would think what more could one want!

Then there were other loves that it gave me!
One in the beginning, and one at the end! 
8 years apart! 

I was such a case back then!
I am such a case, even now!

I started off empty handed,
now i have a lot of things on my name and then there are some...

I entered this decade on a bicycle, pedaling my way through to tuitions and school, graduated to motorcycle in college, and the decade gifts me my own car while parting ways!

Another memory of sorts was a mole on my left hand!
I remember that just before entering 9th, probably somewhere in the middle of 8th class, I bought a metal strap watch. With it eventually appeared a mole on my left wrist.
The mole grew noticeable and gradually became a part of me!
I tried a few times to get it removed though, but all in vain.
Came 2010 and finally after a week long ordeal, i was free of it!
I still have a mark on the wrist - makes me remember a few things at times.

I started off listening to radio on my sony walkman,
i now have an ipod touch!

I started off watching K serials on star plus,
i now have an enviable collection of movies and music!

I started off as a science student,
now i see Science taking me towards its extremity - Art!

As i step into the next decade,
and as half the year is already gone, disappointing and crass,
I can only go higher from here.

The next decade is going to be even more significant than the past one.
While this decade made me learn through my defeats,
i feel the weariness to win in the next.

It is going to bring more responsibilities, more possibilities,
more people, more friends,
more events, more experiences,
more challenges, more fears, more opportunities...
Additions in family,  and may be a painful goodbye towards the end,
i have to be ready for it all!

I will keep trying... i have to...
...everyone has to...

“All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope”
                                                                    - Alexandre Dumas Père

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Pyaar ka 'Dhishoom'nama

Man... this movie is THE ground reality!
and its been quite a while since someone took to the cause of us poor boys! ;)

So lets begin... a true movie about boys and girls - 
their fallacies in relationships,
their expectations and 
their foolishness! 

The Leads! :

Liquid: Typical frustrated padhakoo types. Padhai toh kar li, naukri bhi lag gayi, par kuch kami hai... haan - ladki kabhi nahin mili. aur na milne ka nateeja... choona toh bahut duur... kabhi baat karna bhi naseeb nahi hua! And oh yeah,  he is not gay, otherwise he would have been happier. PS: (Obvious from the above!) Never was in a relationship before.

Rajat: The good(-ie) guy - honest in the relationship, committed and sincere, romantic at heart, lovey-dovey right from the outset  - the most eligible (or, to pacify, read vulnerable) to become the proverbial  'kutta', and yes, he does become one! 

Choudhary: The cool dude, the guru the other two consult. The guy who knows the cool and casual ways. Interestingly, he is the only one having success reading girls! he can see before it happens! but again - he himself is strangled in a dilemma - her girl is not free from her ex! What to do now!? previous relationship status - not known, but going from his ways in the movie, he has an experienced head on his shoulders!

Now... moving on to the ('mis' (lol!!! 'miss') )leading Ladies...

Rajat's girlfriend: committed to her, very girly, but overtly controlling, demanding and arguably, the most beautiful of the three! (doesn't matter though). In short and crisp words, she is the most feared and dreaded type of them all - one u cant live with, one u cant live without, something i personally believe to be one of the reasons for the 7-year itch

Liquid's girlfriend: is technically wrong verbiage! She isn't even her girlfriend, she is just taking her for a ride! BIG TIME! is openly saying that she is not in love with him, but is then literally playing the 'more than a friend game' with him.

Choudhary's interest is grossly undermining the meaning of the word 'commitment'. She wants to leave her ex, but actually can't! why - she thinks she has things under control, when they actually aren't, but refuses to understand and follow choudhary's advice on the matter. reason that she gives is the o' so classical - its-her-personal-matter. Somebody go and tell her, of course it is your personal matter, very personal indeed... but that is the REASON why he is trying to help you... why else would someone take the pains to sort out someone else's mess! There are enough 'personal' headache's in one's own life! Choudhary being a guy himself knows how guys think, and thats why listening to him is probably a better choice! 

But all the three guys suffer from the same thing - they willingly allow themselves to be manipulated and do not express themselves when they need too.
Upto an extent, its needed to get into a rapport with the girl, to start a relationship,
but one should be careful to not let the other press the demolition button any time they want to!!!

The 3 also represent how guys ultimately respond to these situations :-

  1. Rajat: goes quite, silently accepts his slow death in the hands of the one he loves! (he still loves her, no doubt, coz of this only, he cant tell her to stop, but somehow wants things to go back to being rosy again)
  2. Liquid: confused as to cut off his contact with her completely. But he can't, because then he would loose the only girl he has talked to, the one whom he still talks to! As a result, feels stuck and betrayed, goes into depression, tries to assert himself by going to the  prostitutes! Ends up loosing more self esteem! Bad condition!
  3. Choudhary: Hoping against hopes, that his girl gives up her ex when he knows that its not the case. Time and again, he can see the evidence of wrongs in the girl, but he is stopped from breaking off, still hopeful that he can make it work, patiently waiting for her girl to decide. But he knows deep down that she is not free of him, and that he is unable to accept this form of commitment, if it at all is a commitment! Result - he has to break it off! himself! painful....

Among the several notable things, these things also stand out:-

The fact that they aren't just fooling with their partners, be it the male characters in the movie or females, but are also fooling themselves into believing that it could work out - by springing false truths, false yes' and false answers. You cannot start a relationship on lies and expect it to be full of truth and transparency later!

Liquid proposes a great idea! - An All Men's Union :D
Need i say more??? =D
He is right in saying that the girl ditching a boy should not be allowed by any other man to date with them - result is more careful and meticulous decisions rather than a sway of the moment! 

The movie briefly touches upon long distance relationships - one needs to practice austerity (quite literally) when in a long distance relationship. As a character in the movie said, "bf duur, toh support toh sabko chahiye..." true, but lets take that support minus the flirtation , shall we!

The movie also left a few questions in my mind,
What happens to the girls in the end?
well this is shown in the movie, rajo's girl finds a new 'kutta',
Liquid's girl keeps on fooling around with ppl to use them,
ditto for choudhary's interest, she is still confused.

What happens to these boys?
Will boys be boys?.... who knows???? ;)

Interestingly, if you think about it, all three were perfect husband material!
Rajat was the romantic boy, committed and sincere, who would keep her girl happy! What else would one want!
Liquid: Educated, well earning and clean background/history! He is the stable man one would want to be with!
Choudhary is the dashing youth, attractive, street smart and above all, not rash but sensible.

Still they are taken for a toss!

"rasm-e-duniya hai toh yehi,
pahunche koi koi..."

In the end, i would only sum up to say that its been a wonderful ride watching this movie.
And there is a lot more to write! But the intensity is such that it overwhelms senses!
If this movie helps even a single person, I would say the movie has served its purpose.

It will be remembered as a cult movie, which dared to show the reality to both sexes!

PS: if you get time, do read THE HINDU's review of the movie! Its nice!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

The fire within

Have you ever looked at fire closely?
Seen its flames rise and fall?
Swaying undeterred and unchallenged,
exploding and imploding at the same time!

In the recent times, i have developed a fancy of sorts with fire!
I am fascinated by how it burns through...
Burns through bone and flesh, blood and sweat...
to give way to the eternal ether... the purity, the truth within.

It is the ultimate test,
of visceral human vulnerability subjected to the pinnacles of divinity.
The fear of being burnt and carrying the scar is what scares you.

Look at those flames closely, and you will realize,

there is something else that moves in the same manner when
subjected to the test of truth - one's Vanity.

That those are not flames of fire that move,
it is one's vanity which struggles to escape,
burning, twisting, shape-shifting...

Saturday, January 08, 2011

the silence of the night

After more than a year, i was again, out in the open, with the silence of the night. But this time, it was different. the silence hit me with a realization.

It inspired me to think, go into the disconnect, and search for an answer, answer to a question that the silence has confronted me again with. What next?

This time i figured out that the silence is not just posing a question, it scares you into the consequence of settling into the complacency. The result of unanswered restlessness gradually giving way to a morose surrender, a silenced discomfort of a speechless agreement between the unspoken words.

The blinking parking car lights,  the distant humming of transformers, the tall standing solitary lamp posts, and the fog laden ways - all part of the ethereal silence, screeching to tell their story, but no one to listen. The hazy lights of glowing windows in the fog mesmerize me into believing that they somehow hold an answer. A light at the end of the tunnel, hypnotizing, with reality teasing me to decipher what it holds, portals to answers, standing in the not so distant future.

The distances that have to be covered, the choices one has to exercise, the sacrifices that have to be made.

There is something about the silence of the night.....

Sunday, January 02, 2011

the social network

I had sat down to write about the past year... ended up watching the social network and here i am... writing a post about it.

Let me tell u upfront, the movie is amazingly refreshing, first up because it is fast! From the very first scene. And the second reason - its shot in the interestingly 'Christopher Nolan' way with the past and the present being intricately woven together in a linear screenplay, only to reveal their separation gradually.

The second most striking thing about the movie is the display of personality and behavior. Starting with Mark (Zuckerberg) not valuing what he has (Erica) until she's gone and later, the urge, the stubbornness to 'expand', trying very hard to be an 'asshole' that he isn't, the naive excitement of Eduardo on being the CFO, with all the people starting to take notice of him. How Mark gets impressed with Sean Parker (of Napster fame) and his adept ways of affecting people, especially the young! How the suspicion of Eduardo's girlfriend grows under the aegis of her increasing insecurity. And talking about insecurities, Eduardo's insecurity due to his decreasing hold on Mark with the entry of Sean.

Its strange what and how a thing affects a man's psyche! I have often thought to myself... people say that understanding a woman is difficult, i for one, while not contradicting, believe that being a man is not easy either! To be in possession of something as simple and yet as perplex in manifestation as a male ego, is not a child's play by any means! The ways in which it can manipulate one's behaviors has far reaching consequences... so much so that you can become the youngest Billionaire :)

I always thought everytime i saw Mark's snaps from press conferences released in the newspaper that he appears quiet, sort of disconnected from the world. That small, forcefully lightened smile; and the weight of a gaze waiting for something or someone, hidden away behind those big round eyes. From personal experience, let me tell you that i can completely empathize with him and know the kind of disconnect one can be pushed into!

well... i can go on and on on the topic, but i seriously feel, that you should watch the movie for the real feel of it and understand, that the movie was a hit not because it was about facebook, but because it is the story of a boy, a seemingly normal one, (the underdog),  with perfect SAT scores, who lost his love, and became an 'asshole'!

PS: If you can decipher how the word 'asshole' has been used in the movie - you have got it!