After more than a year, i was again, out in the open, with the silence of the night. But this time, it was different. the silence hit me with a realization.
It inspired me to think, go into the disconnect, and search for an answer, answer to a question that the silence has confronted me again with. What next?
This time i figured out that the silence is not just posing a question, it scares you into the consequence of settling into the complacency. The result of unanswered restlessness gradually giving way to a morose surrender, a silenced discomfort of a speechless agreement between the unspoken words.
The blinking parking car lights, the distant humming of transformers, the tall standing solitary lamp posts, and the fog laden ways - all part of the ethereal silence, screeching to tell their story, but no one to listen. The hazy lights of glowing windows in the fog mesmerize me into believing that they somehow hold an answer. A light at the end of the tunnel, hypnotizing, with reality teasing me to decipher what it holds, portals to answers, standing in the not so distant future.
The distances that have to be covered, the choices one has to exercise, the sacrifices that have to be made.
There is something about the silence of the night.....
Saturday, January 08, 2011
Sunday, January 02, 2011
the social network
I had sat down to write about the past year... ended up watching the social network and here i am... writing a post about it.
Let me tell u upfront, the movie is amazingly refreshing, first up because it is fast! From the very first scene. And the second reason - its shot in the interestingly 'Christopher Nolan' way with the past and the present being intricately woven together in a linear screenplay, only to reveal their separation gradually.
The second most striking thing about the movie is the display of personality and behavior. Starting with Mark (Zuckerberg) not valuing what he has (Erica) until she's gone and later, the urge, the stubbornness to 'expand', trying very hard to be an 'asshole' that he isn't, the naive excitement of Eduardo on being the CFO, with all the people starting to take notice of him. How Mark gets impressed with Sean Parker (of Napster fame) and his adept ways of affecting people, especially the young! How the suspicion of Eduardo's girlfriend grows under the aegis of her increasing insecurity. And talking about insecurities, Eduardo's insecurity due to his decreasing hold on Mark with the entry of Sean.
Its strange what and how a thing affects a man's psyche! I have often thought to myself... people say that understanding a woman is difficult, i for one, while not contradicting, believe that being a man is not easy either! To be in possession of something as simple and yet as perplex in manifestation as a male ego, is not a child's play by any means! The ways in which it can manipulate one's behaviors has far reaching consequences... so much so that you can become the youngest Billionaire :)
I always thought everytime i saw Mark's snaps from press conferences released in the newspaper that he appears quiet, sort of disconnected from the world. That small, forcefully lightened smile; and the weight of a gaze waiting for something or someone, hidden away behind those big round eyes. From personal experience, let me tell you that i can completely empathize with him and know the kind of disconnect one can be pushed into!
well... i can go on and on on the topic, but i seriously feel, that you should watch the movie for the real feel of it and understand, that the movie was a hit not because it was about facebook, but because it is the story of a boy, a seemingly normal one, (the underdog), with perfect SAT scores, who lost his love, and became an 'asshole'!
PS: If you can decipher how the word 'asshole' has been used in the movie - you have got it!
Let me tell u upfront, the movie is amazingly refreshing, first up because it is fast! From the very first scene. And the second reason - its shot in the interestingly 'Christopher Nolan' way with the past and the present being intricately woven together in a linear screenplay, only to reveal their separation gradually.
The second most striking thing about the movie is the display of personality and behavior. Starting with Mark (Zuckerberg) not valuing what he has (Erica) until she's gone and later, the urge, the stubbornness to 'expand', trying very hard to be an 'asshole' that he isn't, the naive excitement of Eduardo on being the CFO, with all the people starting to take notice of him. How Mark gets impressed with Sean Parker (of Napster fame) and his adept ways of affecting people, especially the young! How the suspicion of Eduardo's girlfriend grows under the aegis of her increasing insecurity. And talking about insecurities, Eduardo's insecurity due to his decreasing hold on Mark with the entry of Sean.
Its strange what and how a thing affects a man's psyche! I have often thought to myself... people say that understanding a woman is difficult, i for one, while not contradicting, believe that being a man is not easy either! To be in possession of something as simple and yet as perplex in manifestation as a male ego, is not a child's play by any means! The ways in which it can manipulate one's behaviors has far reaching consequences... so much so that you can become the youngest Billionaire :)
I always thought everytime i saw Mark's snaps from press conferences released in the newspaper that he appears quiet, sort of disconnected from the world. That small, forcefully lightened smile; and the weight of a gaze waiting for something or someone, hidden away behind those big round eyes. From personal experience, let me tell you that i can completely empathize with him and know the kind of disconnect one can be pushed into!
well... i can go on and on on the topic, but i seriously feel, that you should watch the movie for the real feel of it and understand, that the movie was a hit not because it was about facebook, but because it is the story of a boy, a seemingly normal one, (the underdog), with perfect SAT scores, who lost his love, and became an 'asshole'!
PS: If you can decipher how the word 'asshole' has been used in the movie - you have got it!
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
Falling in Love - Part 1
What is falling in love?
Falling in love is trying to steal a glance of her every now n then.
It is finding excuses to text her, even when in company.
It is to turn around and come back to say bye even after leaving.
It is to sleep to the fear of sleeptalking her name.
It is to day dream of her and keep that smile from blooming.
It is to close the door and dance away to the hidden amorous songs.
It is to stand in front of the mirror and grin from ear to ear.
It is to think of urself growing fat.
It is to spray that extra whiff of deo.
It is to try and keep ur wallet full.
It is to try and talk her out someplace.
It is to think to oneself after a talk, "oh shit, that was a SIGN!!! DUH!!!"
It is to watch her pics on fb again.
It is to go through her profile again and again.
It is to think before commenting on her pic twice, thrice, quatro...
It is to wait for her gtalk-id desperately.
It is to save her pics away in a passworded folder.
It is to want her to upload more of her pics.
It is to conspire against 'others'.
It is to make space for her in ur lazily busy weekends
It is to think of ways of writing all this in a hope that she understands m writing for her and yet keep it mystery to others!
It is rising by falling. But there is a reason it's called falling and not rising - for in a free fall, u can't really use the brakes now can u =)
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Once bitten, twice shy, third time, it will be my turn to bite :)
At first, i was afraid, kinda shy. I had several reasons, the most prominent being my fear of water! In my previous river rafting trip, i was with my V5 group - the langotiya yaars! there was room for chickening out :D Also, the first time, i was almost in a frenzy, too excited a state to fear... but this time, i was much more in my senses, quite literally too, if u know what i mean ;D.
And so it began, late at night, after dinner, a spook and a few -you know what. I was tired at first, willing to wither away cozily into the night, but the sheer excitement of being together is something that can keep you up and awake all night long!
Day -1 : after a long wait, ah... a sight for sour eyes... and sour 'chunnu-munnu' i say, its about time! ;D
We finally got to ride something other than our Innovas - a raft. But hold your horses, for this was a ferry raft, to take us to our camps - a beautiful sight of white sand and stones, tents waiting under the shadow of the mountains, the river singing its song, sunlight kissing the peaks and the cool breeze playing with your hair... sigh...!!!
I couldn't resist this feast for eyes and soon after unpacking, went wandering alone into the stones. While some played volleyball and others freshened up, i went talking to the Ganga! Sweet, harmonious, swift and mighty... embrace the waters and all your tiredness goes away.
And how can our beloved cliff jumping be left behind!!! ;D
Daringly enough (lol), i was the first one to jump off the cliff - but as is the problem with being punctual, there was no one to appreciate me :P I was like - i will hit the water NOW... i will hit the water NOW.... i will hit the water NOW....!!! when the hell will i brrrbrrrbrrrbrrrbrrrbrrbrbrbr... - i did it :DKirti's 'k'ase was as intersting one here. She was a victim of 'peer pressure'. 'Ab toh main kood hi jaaon... isi main bhalaayi hai... nahin toh sab pakad ke khoob maarenge!' ;D
As it got darker, the bonfire mood began to catch up! But somehow, sitting there in the circle, i still felt alone... although i was able steal a moment or two for myself, but quickly realised i should keep this feeling at bay, lest it resume control and ruin everything. After that, was an interesting round of useless introductions and dinner. But wait... the night didn't get over at this! There's more than just 'night trekking' to it! - with all the mortal souls in front of me, it was a scare fest...(evil grin...) hahaha. Boy o' boy... that was some night to remember. Oh and I did hear the next day from a few boys that someone in the group was being carried by 6 people across the whole trekk. How i missed 'victimising' her! =D
The weather was so nice, that some of us decided to sleep outside our camps and under the stars - a la 'Taaron ki chaaon main' =D. The night was a bit less starry though, due to clouds. However, as i suddenly woke up in the middle of the night for some strange inexplicable reason, i found the night sky adorned with all kinds of stars and constellations. The next thing i remember is waking up to a camera cheese in the morning - being freshly served by Maryam of course :D.
And so it began, late at night, after dinner, a spook and a few -you know what. I was tired at first, willing to wither away cozily into the night, but the sheer excitement of being together is something that can keep you up and awake all night long!
Day -1 : after a long wait, ah... a sight for sour eyes... and sour 'chunnu-munnu' i say, its about time! ;D
We finally got to ride something other than our Innovas - a raft. But hold your horses, for this was a ferry raft, to take us to our camps - a beautiful sight of white sand and stones, tents waiting under the shadow of the mountains, the river singing its song, sunlight kissing the peaks and the cool breeze playing with your hair... sigh...!!!
I couldn't resist this feast for eyes and soon after unpacking, went wandering alone into the stones. While some played volleyball and others freshened up, i went talking to the Ganga! Sweet, harmonious, swift and mighty... embrace the waters and all your tiredness goes away.
Soon after having some breakfast, we were roaring to go - bring it on baby!!!
As usual, we started with the safety instructions and all that jazz. Boarded the raft and minutes after, it went all wet and soggy =D, what with all the body surfing, hands-free 'kayaking', basking in the waters, getting all 'teamy' against the neighbour rafts, it was all too much fun! Divya's face was one of the kodak moments of our trip. When the instructor first told us to go dip in the Ganga, she was so enthused, she dint even count to 3 and jumped - but dear o' dear... she was gasping for air the second later - 'saari hawa nikal gayi' ;D
As usual, we started with the safety instructions and all that jazz. Boarded the raft and minutes after, it went all wet and soggy =D, what with all the body surfing, hands-free 'kayaking', basking in the waters, getting all 'teamy' against the neighbour rafts, it was all too much fun! Divya's face was one of the kodak moments of our trip. When the instructor first told us to go dip in the Ganga, she was so enthused, she dint even count to 3 and jumped - but dear o' dear... she was gasping for air the second later - 'saari hawa nikal gayi' ;D
And how can our beloved cliff jumping be left behind!!! ;D
Daringly enough (lol), i was the first one to jump off the cliff - but as is the problem with being punctual, there was no one to appreciate me :P I was like - i will hit the water NOW... i will hit the water NOW.... i will hit the water NOW....!!! when the hell will i brrrbrrrbrrrbrrrbrrrbrrbrbrbr... - i did it :D
Golf Course and Roller Coaster were the two biggies out there that we enjoyed the most!
After a thoroughly tiring drift, we attacked the food like hell! Don't remember how it tasted, but yeah... it felt delicious ;)
After a thoroughly tiring drift, we attacked the food like hell! Don't remember how it tasted, but yeah... it felt delicious ;)
On the way back to our camps... we literally switched off and went into hibernation! but after reaching there... our batteries were somehow magically charged and while some of us went for rappelling and rock climbing, others simply chit-chatted.
What ensued thereafter was the most cherishable moment of the trip for me - those three mugs of tea sitting together at the Ganges, discussing about love, life, relationships, events...future, past, present, ... friends, parents, people... =)
What ensued thereafter was the most cherishable moment of the trip for me - those three mugs of tea sitting together at the Ganges, discussing about love, life, relationships, events...future, past, present, ... friends, parents, people... =)
As it got darker, the bonfire mood began to catch up! But somehow, sitting there in the circle, i still felt alone... although i was able steal a moment or two for myself, but quickly realised i should keep this feeling at bay, lest it resume control and ruin everything. After that, was an interesting round of useless introductions and dinner. But wait... the night didn't get over at this! There's more than just 'night trekking' to it! - with all the mortal souls in front of me, it was a scare fest...(evil grin...) hahaha. Boy o' boy... that was some night to remember. Oh and I did hear the next day from a few boys that someone in the group was being carried by 6 people across the whole trekk. How i missed 'victimising' her! =DThe weather was so nice, that some of us decided to sleep outside our camps and under the stars - a la 'Taaron ki chaaon main' =D. The night was a bit less starry though, due to clouds. However, as i suddenly woke up in the middle of the night for some strange inexplicable reason, i found the night sky adorned with all kinds of stars and constellations. The next thing i remember is waking up to a camera cheese in the morning - being freshly served by Maryam of course :D.
After that was a thrilling session of Rock Climbing and Rappelling. And believe me, i am not telling you even the half of it when i say that somehow i felt my monkey instincts made me do it that day =D
And thereafter we had the wall... or should i write The WALL !!! The mother of 'em all - this was really hyper stuff - the real sh** if you know what i mean :P. So much so that i was scared into going through it in a larger raft than others - for its chances of flipping were lesser. As fate had it, our raft did not flip, but not before throwing out two of its members - and i was right there... in the balcony seat, eating popcorns. Must confess - it was FUN FUN FUN lolu :D :D :D
After a few more rapids in the river, we were changing clothes for Delhi.
This is still not the end! For some of the best times we had were now! With Maryam in the drivers seat and no license, one could only imagine the laugh riot that engulfed us!!! I am telling you, even as i write this line, i can have cramps in my stomach anytime ;D.
After having chai-cum-'thunda'-cum-dinner at a dhaba, we decorated a stage for the shayars and the 'shayaree's'.
Bewafai ki baat chali thi toh maine socha main bhi ek sher maar doon - par khambakht sher bhi usi ki tarah dhokha de gaya, kareeb aane se pehle hi dughaa de gaya!!! - wah wah - wah wah :P
After the 'Mehfil' and a fixed flat tyre that ironically is labelled to be 'flat-free'! we set sail again to our complacent lives!
After flying for a few more hours, we wake up to the reality again,
In the wee hours of the morning, with half opened weary eyes, we wished our fair-bid adieus.
and...
With new friends in hands and new memories in our hearts,
we parted to be together again, we forgot... to be remembered again!
And thereafter we had the wall... or should i write The WALL !!! The mother of 'em all - this was really hyper stuff - the real sh** if you know what i mean :P. So much so that i was scared into going through it in a larger raft than others - for its chances of flipping were lesser. As fate had it, our raft did not flip, but not before throwing out two of its members - and i was right there... in the balcony seat, eating popcorns. Must confess - it was FUN FUN FUN lolu :D :D :D
After a few more rapids in the river, we were changing clothes for Delhi.
This is still not the end! For some of the best times we had were now! With Maryam in the drivers seat and no license, one could only imagine the laugh riot that engulfed us!!! I am telling you, even as i write this line, i can have cramps in my stomach anytime ;D.
After having chai-cum-'thunda'-cum-dinner at a dhaba, we decorated a stage for the shayars and the 'shayaree's'.
Bewafai ki baat chali thi toh maine socha main bhi ek sher maar doon - par khambakht sher bhi usi ki tarah dhokha de gaya, kareeb aane se pehle hi dughaa de gaya!!! - wah wah - wah wah :P
After the 'Mehfil' and a fixed flat tyre that ironically is labelled to be 'flat-free'! we set sail again to our complacent lives!
After flying for a few more hours, we wake up to the reality again,
In the wee hours of the morning, with half opened weary eyes, we wished our fair-bid adieus.
and...
With new friends in hands and new memories in our hearts,
we parted to be together again, we forgot... to be remembered again!
Saturday, March 27, 2010
The feeling that is sinking in
Today, or more specifically - Tonight, this.... this 'thing' hit me again! and this time, its one time too many. I feel all alone once again and I don't know whether its they who have changed or its me! I know for certain that i have changed - but did i change in this way!? or is it that i am seeing what i want to see ! i don't know for certain...
I feel like i am growing distant to it all. and the worst part is... that i don't have anyone to help me out on this one. i cant go to them and ask why have you become so different ? You weren't like this ? were you ? i can feel the differences among us growing... i can see the ways parting.
One of the life's biggest questions that you face at times is, whom do you turn for help when the ones you trust are the ones in question ? When you don't feel like being part of them anymore... when you are not at peace with who you are or what you have become...
Oddly enough, the answer comes from no-one but you !!!
The answer is always within you, either you are not ready to accept it,
or you want to hear it out loud from someone, if not God himself!
In my case, an old friend reminded me of my own words and showed me the way.
All i have to do now is walk!!!
No matter how lonesome the path may be,
no matter how testing the ways may be,
i have to keep walking... its the only way to reach
the destination... its the only answer to all my questions...
PS:-
* this month of March, March of 2010... its different.... there is definitely something very peculiar about it... something just doesn't feel normal about it! This whole month has been topsy turvy...
* i feel happy by day and sad by night. Once upon a time it used to be the opposite though.
* I think this is definitely one of the confusing posts that i have written, and will leave the reader befuddled!!! - mainly because a lot of thoughts, emotions, and a barrage of feelings have accosted me at this point of time and i have tried to write about one of them, hiding all other when they are desperately trying to break loose!
I feel like i am growing distant to it all. and the worst part is... that i don't have anyone to help me out on this one. i cant go to them and ask why have you become so different ? You weren't like this ? were you ? i can feel the differences among us growing... i can see the ways parting.
One of the life's biggest questions that you face at times is, whom do you turn for help when the ones you trust are the ones in question ? When you don't feel like being part of them anymore... when you are not at peace with who you are or what you have become...
Oddly enough, the answer comes from no-one but you !!!
The answer is always within you, either you are not ready to accept it,
or you want to hear it out loud from someone, if not God himself!
In my case, an old friend reminded me of my own words and showed me the way.
All i have to do now is walk!!!
No matter how lonesome the path may be,
no matter how testing the ways may be,
i have to keep walking... its the only way to reach
the destination... its the only answer to all my questions...
PS:-
* this month of March, March of 2010... its different.... there is definitely something very peculiar about it... something just doesn't feel normal about it! This whole month has been topsy turvy...
* i feel happy by day and sad by night. Once upon a time it used to be the opposite though.
* I think this is definitely one of the confusing posts that i have written, and will leave the reader befuddled!!! - mainly because a lot of thoughts, emotions, and a barrage of feelings have accosted me at this point of time and i have tried to write about one of them, hiding all other when they are desperately trying to break loose!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)